On the off chance that anyone ever asks me my views on life, my advice would start with ‘never succumb to beige’.

I have been tempted, I can tell you. On more than one occasion to be absolutely honest. It’s so fashionable (although beige has sort of morphed into that  ubiquitous mushroom colour so beloved of interior designistas). I’ve even owned some beige stuff — a jacket, a throw (which I actually did love), maybe event a couple of pairs of shoes over the years. And why not? After all, beige is the darling of Taste. The hero of Conservative. It has its place for sure. But why would you choose  beige when there’s so much vibrant colour to be had? It’s just so … well … tastefully boring!

The whole idea of not succumbing to beige has  become a personal metaphor for always being who you are, despite the pressure to conform to all manner of often uncomfortable societal norms . To thine own self be true I say, even if thy true self is more bling than Ming. Quite apart from anything else, imagine the epitaph it would make, ‘she never succumbed to beige!’

Pondering the meaning of beige set off a bit of a navel gazing moment while I figured out what else I would offer up to this hypothetical seeker of Frankie’s advice. So here it is, the sum total of my wisdom to date (aggregated through a number of spectacular prat falls, a lot of sticking plaster and a naturally sunny outlook):

• The world really is your oyster
• If you’ve got lemons, make lemonade — then get innovative
• Always have at least one foot off the ground
• Money may not buy happiness, but it surely does help in our material world
• Unless you’re an ostrich, don’t behave like one
• You really are what you eat and drink
• Love is all you need … once you’ve taken care of the tangible assets
• It’s probable the geeks actually will inherit the earth
• The road to Hell most definitely is paved with good intentions
• Eat, drink and be merry … because it’s fun
• If you can’t put up, shut up. In other words, put your money where your mouth is
• The answer’s much more likely to be blowing in the wind than that at the bottom of a bottle
• Rose tinted glasses have their place
• Stay in tune with your inner Barbie, you’ll need her as you age
• Sometimes say never
• Doing as you would be done by is better than sleeping pills
• Anyone who doesn’t know what happiness is has never seen a puppy
• Sorry doesn’t always make it right … but it helps
• Don’t climb every mountain — choose strategically
• There’ll be blue birds over the white cliffs of Dover — if you can visualise well enough
• Love IS the sweetest thing
• If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it
• Shit Creek is not a terminus!

If you take all these on board, I’m sure your life will soon be as perfect as mine J